Alzhemier’s Disease and Dementia And Our Aging Family ……….

In today’s world people are always worring about money or things beyond their control when there is alot of things they can control but lack the care and concern to do so .. I want to take a few minutes to talk to you about Our aging parents and family members . Especially those We are close too .. Now I know everyone ages differently and many Do not have Alzheimer’s Disease and or Dementia . ..However many do ..I would like to talk about these diseases as they affect many many many families and it is really hard for many to understand let alone go though it .Especially when it is One of our own family members like mom and dad . Well My mom had dimentia and I took her to her doctors and they put her on some medication and for the most part it worked great . Also with the medication mom and I would always talk she ask me something 2 or 3 times and I would say mom You  asked me that already ,But I would tell her the answer again .. We began to make it a game ..We would sit for hours or go for a walk and talk about her past her husband and her children and she would tell me stories about both marriages and families . Then she would ask me about something else and we would talk about it. Now my mom ended up passing away on me at my home last July 2017 . Well let me tell you I am the youngest of 11 children 2 have since passed away But out of all her children. ( my brother and I were the only 2 from  my father.. my moms second marriage )My  brother from the same father .died at47 years old due to cancer and  an older sibbling from her first marriage died of a heart attack . All my mothers other 8 children from her first marriage Did Not nor Could Not be bothered .. Which was a Dam shame…. Because she would remember all of them as youngsters.. But I took my Mom home into my home even after not seeing her for almost 25 years because I had walked away from my family to start my own with my husband… I just grew apart from my own family… But Because my mother needed to be looked after and cared for…. I took her into my home .. Now Not one brother or sister would help out with either the exspensives or the actual care of Our mother ..So It left me to do it all .. Which I did  and I know I did the right thing and let her died at home with diginty and love …The last week of my mother life we became so very close and made the past seem unimportant .. ..Now I have taken care of three Adult  Family memebrs, All  on my own.. ( First MY my brother in-law and then my father in-law ( Both in which my inlaws would never help with either they Wanted me to put them in homes .( Or in dads case wanted me to leave him in the hospital which I  just could not do and because dad made me power of attorney I made the choice to bring him home to die with the family he knew and loves  and  he did ….Dad  die 5 days later …)Which , I had worked in many nursing homes in rhode island decades ago and knew how they were .. so I just would not and did not do it .. Not to mention dad ( My father in-law and I were really close especially over the last 5 years of his life ) I had promised dad (My fathe rin-law ) That I would care for him when he could not care for himself no longer and it made him be able to deal with it .. Because he felt so bad and did like not being able to care for himself , But Dad was ok letting me care for him and it grew us even closer . So I let them be at home and die with love and care of a family member and let them pass on with diginity and care and love .. Now Not Everyone can and will do this and that is ok . Every family is different ..Usually in past decades families would come together and all would help out with the care of our aging parents ……But…. As it seems the baby boomers have forgotten they roots and that their parents took care of them all their lives and that they too should be taking care of the their aging parents…..But Just Do Not care to do so…. Whether it is ..Because of the spouse not wanting to help or not wanting to deal with your parents or aging family member ( As I have seen first hand, Many wives of baby boomers are not willing to care for an in-law parent as it is not her responsibilty – Which is should be ..) However many people Just can Not deal with a dying Parent . and that is Okay But with Hospice anything is possible and caring for them at home is always the best things as it gives them the family love and care in the family home .. Now take a good long look at your family and think would you want to be thrown into a Nursing home just because You can not remember who Your chidlren are ?Or Would you want to be put in a nursing home or assisted living because you could not move quickly or whatever the reason ? ….NO…. I Dont think so Nor should any aging parent feel bad  or that they are a burden ..Because They can Not remember or can Not care for themselves …There is always options for care in home .. and with their family .. Now there are agencies out there that work with Medicare and Medicaid and other insurance companies and some  even will help if no secondary insurance is available.. I know personally because I had in home services for my mother and brother inlaw  both at the same time and I am Not gonna say it was always pleasant or fun because it was not .. But …With alittle bit of patience, love and care  and alot of help… You can have in home care for your family member and keep them at home .Now with parents who have Dimentia  and/or Alzheimer’s  You would want to make some videos of them before them don’t remember and play them to them often so they can try to remember . Now if You Dont have videos then make a picture book of them and the family to help them remember as well .. Putting any family member in any home just as assisted living or nursing home should always be a Last resort ..If at All…. Now you can start with the doctor who cares for your family member and ask them for help with home care and they should be able to direct you the state for assistance in getting home care for that family member .. Yes it might be alittle Hectic at first… But They will process it and get you started before You know it and you will have the care you need to keep them at home . Now always remember No one is going to love your family member  more Than You .. No One is going to care for them like you either… So check out a few agencies first and go from there ok?  You will be able to  watch over the care they are Receiving in your home and if something is not done right or the way you want it … You can let the CNA or Nurse know it  or You can call the agency to inform them of the problem and They will work quickly to solve the problem ….Now.. Always try to take your family member with dementia or alzheimer to places they will remember or liked to go When they could remember .. It will help them feel at home and might help with their memory.. The biggest problem with any memory illness is the lost of memory is hard on everyone , Especially the person who can not remeber ..Now I have been caring for my family for more than 34 years and I have always been taking care of people ( whether it is children grandchildren ,mom or dad or in-laws ) . It takes committment and care to do so ………………Now.. I am not going to tell you it is all going to be roses and that You will not have any Problems…. Because You probably will  from time to time .. Just remember when they are gone you will know You did the right thing in caring for them and loving them enough to care for them because you Could and You Did ..Other familiy members aren’t so Nice and Could Care Less about the person as it is not their own child or parent so they could care less ..  ( Many Do not even care about their own parents… So Why would they care for an inlaw Parent?  ( Believe me I have seen it first hand and gone through it with my own familiy of In-laws ) When a parent dies sibblings become  very greedy and Think the In-law parent who died owes their husband money or whatever they have ( like a home stocks or bonds) an causes many court battles  in thinking so . You see I took care of my dying father in-law who I have lived with in his home for more than 20 years.. I have been with his youngest son for 25 years Now…When Dad first got sick 5 1/2 years ago I took him to  the hospital and they said he would be fine Until I took him to the cancer doctor who said Dad was dying .To get him ready for death and believe Me Dad was not scared of dying Because He had a loving relationship with god and jesus and he knew he would go to heaven to be with his loving wife who had died many many decades before him. Dad was a very faithful Godly man and always went to church and lived a good life and took care of his family . He was truey a wonderful man….Who Touched many lives throughout his 88 years on earth ..  Well I did Not know about hospice at the time when I was caring for him So I did everything for dad… Took him to all his doctors appointments and I was also caring for one of his older sons who had mental health issues and health issues of his own before dad had become deathly  ill …Now I took care of his son (Mybrother in-law for many years before dad have become sick ) so I had 2 people to care for and about and yet I decided to care for them both and believe me I was at dads side all the time .I asked my sister inlaws to help but all I got was excuses boy was I the fool to think they could and would sit with him for an hour or so , So I could go to the doctors myself .( Because I too am sick and need to go to the doctors reguarly .. and I did …Thanks to my husband his youngest son Who the other brothers condemed …. Well Shame on them All Because When it mattered the most Their youngest brother was the Only son to be by his Father bedside. when dad passed away on us at home in his own bed  In His own home with the love and care of his youngest son and his favorite daughter in-law ( Me that is what dad always told me) .. He always told me I was the daughter he never had which made me cry more when dad passed away .. That feeling alone will always be in my heart … I loved him more than anything and did not want him to dye but god had called him home . Now I know it may be hard on some of you..But caring for Our aging family and at home is a feeling you will never forget .. Not to  mention it gives them quality of life over quanity of life …You will have such ever lasting memories as My husband and I have Of His father . ( I also cared for his brother and my mother in our  home and after dad died I took mom into our family home that dad had given to us for the money we had put into the house… he wanted us to have a place to live) ..I found the hospice staff  for my mother Boy were they so sweet and helpful It really made a huge difference with my mother in her care who was  at the end of her life… Mom  changed and for the good and she was able to pass on with love and diginty  at home with us who  loved her regardless of her faults and issues ..We were there when mom needed US the most .. Now like I said it is not just about Dimentia and alzheimer’s Because many aging adults get cancer or some kinda medical illness and it makes them not be able to care for themsleves .. This is just a part of life …No parent wants To be a burden on their chidlren ,But They don’t deserve to Die Alone in a Dam Nursing home or other facilitiy..Just because Your husband or wife does not want to  help care for an inlaw…Many womens in the late 50’s and 60’s look at inlaws as a job and tend not to have a relationship with them as it is not their own parent so they see them very little  but for hoildays or  for family dinner like around Thanksgiving or Christmas and Feel they deserve something when they die for doing so .( Believe me As I said I know I  had seen this first hand with my own inlaw family members  ) Hello you are Not Owed Anything for being a daughter or son inlaw just because you cooked some dinners does not mean you are entitled to anything.. Sure it is nice to  receive something when Our parents or family members die but we always dont have or Get  something just because We want it . The aging family member has the right to do whatever they want with their belongings regardless of How you feel or what you think? Before you think You are owed anything…. Please think to yourself.. Did you earn it by taking care of them when they needed you the most ? Did you love them enough to care for them when they were dying ? Then think about what you are going to give your own children and grandchildren when you die ?Then think about How they are going to feel when you do die leaving them nothing or whatever it is you will leave them? Then compare the two and see How they compare to one another ..Not even close Hun?  Well as I have said Before I have been through it all and Never asked for anything from anyone , But the rest of the families appreciation Which is very lacking in my inlaws ..Now they have left  Our world . All We Have Is Our Memories ….What do you think about it ? Me I still am at lost for words …   If you would like more information on help for an aging family member please feel free to ask …We can send You in the right direction ..  Thank you  savasta enterprises.

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